Is there a right way to do self-care?
One of my clients recently came in feeling completely exhausted. She was doing everything “right,”—having carefully crafted her self-care routine with meditation, journaling, and other practices—but she was feeling overwhelmed and spent.
Her self-care wasn’t working. When prompted to investigate, she quickly realized her body wasn’t craving more perfectly planned mindfulness exercises. She needed something much simpler: good old-fashioned rest.
No productivity, no personal growth, no expectations. Just the space to be, whether listening to music, watching a show, or simply doing nothing. We affectionately named this “potato time,” and made it her priority action step for the week.
Notice if the idea of replacing more intentional self-care practices with potato time makes you uncomfortable. Perhaps you feel you would have to earn it? It can feel selfish or lazy to stop doing and let ourselves exist without the constant pressure of output. And yet, when self-care becomes an item on a to-do list, it stops feeling like self-care at all.
Potato time is about reclaiming our right to just be. To be a human being instead of a human doing.
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And yet, the potato lifestyle isn’t always the answer. Vegging out can be restorative, but it can also become a form of avoidance.
Another client was an expert potato—feeling exhausted from her stressful litigation career, she collapsed on her couch watching hours of TV every night. But, after an evening of rest, she wasn’t feeling restored. She found herself procrastinating sleep, scrolling on her phone, and playing games. (Sound familiar?)
When we explored it, she realized that despite spending hours “resting,” she hadn’t gotten any real time for herself. TV had become her way of checking out, not tuning in. She wasn’t engaging in rest that truly nourished her.
So, we experimented. A few nights a week she opted for a book of short stories, a pastime she had always loved but had fallen away. She found it felt satisfying and like she had done something for her. A tiny shift, but now her rest was serving her, rather than just filling the space.
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The takeaway? Self-care isn’t one-size-fits-all. There is no prescription. It is not another thing to be done “right.”
The real question is whether your self-care routines are actually working for you. And too many people are stuck in self-care routines that are not serving them and do not leave them feeling rested or restored at all.
Next time you feel drained, ask yourself: What kind of self-care do I need right now? Do you need to completely unplug, give yourself permission to do absolutely nothing, and just relax? Or, do you need something more intentional that brings you back to yourself?
The beauty is there is no right or wrong. Trust what your body is telling you, and honor the type of rest that feels most aligned in the moment. That is inner compass health.
If you could use support creating self-care practices that are deeply nourishing and fit into your busy life, let’s chat.